Thursday, December 29, 2011
We all have those people in our life we consider friends. In some cases they really are nothing more than acquaintances and we simply misname them, in other cases they are good friends and in yet a third type they are so close to us that they are our family.
Friendships can be very important to us, but you need to be extremely careful in the friends you choose especially if you are in a committed relationship. If you are part of a couple you need to make sure that your friends are not trying to drive your relationship apart. There are many people out there sadly who for whatever reason do not understand that once you are in a committed relationship you can no longer take your friends over your spouse or significant other. When that happens the relationship is automatically going to suffer.
Now of course friends will talk and even I have been guilty in the past of venting to my close friends when I was really pissed off at or hurt by my husband. It is only natural that your friends are going to take your side, but in the end it is also unfair to your spouse because the opinions of your friend are probably colored against him or her now. I am one of those individuals who takes blame when it is due (and belief me in most situations both partners are to blame in a fight or disagreement) and will openly admit to it even during times when I am extremely upset. Still it is not fair neither to your spouse or friend when you do this. Still my close friends have learned that I will be extremely protective over my spouse as well when something unfair or mean is said about him that isn't deserved. My husband is far from being an angel, but all in all he is a good man. We all make mistakes from time to time and until the day I become perfect, I need to stand up for him when he can not protect himself from wagging tongues.
Other times there are those friends who just won't like your partner on principal for their own reasons. Maybe their personalities clash or they are friends from a previous relationship who are still loyal to the one that came before you. I have always found it best to leave these sort of friendships behind. In the end if it comes down to having to make the choice between my life partner and my friends, my life partner will always win hands down.
Now my husband and I are fortunate enough to have a really good personal friend who knew my husband long before I ever came into the picture. When I first met him I was afraid that he could not or would not accept me since he was so close to my honey and knew my husbands belated wife / slave / soul mate. This friend is viewed by my husband more as a brother than just a mere friend. Over the years now he too has found a place in my heart and that of my daughter. We all see him as part of the family and love him as such. I was never pushed to the side by him for which I am extremely grateful and matter of fact he is most of the time more attentive to my feelings and moods when we are all together than even my own husband is. Those are rare friendships and something I deeply treasure as it should be.
Ironically I am not someone who builds a lot of real time friendships. Most of the time it is because I work way too much and I don't belief in girls nights out or girl friends only time. I have had a lot of really bad experiences with my previous husband and so called girl friends as well and now shy away from them. I feel more comfortable alone or with my online friends.
There too I have had the great fortune to have found a few Ladies who have almost become like sisters to me. I love them dearly and if you would ask me I could swear we must have been sisters in a previous life. We really are that close and what is even funnier is that we are so far apart in personality and belief systems that we might as well be from different planets. Yet surprisingly, we seem to compliment each other just right and if you would hear some of our conversations you would probably double over laughing.
What I have no use for at all is the type of friend most of us have entirely too much off and those are the so called fair weather friends or the friends who are only there when they need something or love to lap up on drama. I call them the drama lama chasers. They are literally like emotional vampires and something we all can do without.
Friends are there for each other, no matter what. They may not always be able to talk, but they can always be reached when the chips are down. I can't even begin to tell you how many times my friend / sisters and I have cussed each other out only to fall over laughing afterwards and apologize. There is a long standing agreement between us - we agree to disagree. How else would it work out since we all come from different backgrounds, personalities, religious believes and even countries.
Most people who meet me and encounter me see me as pretty stern and serious, yet my friends have gotten to know my silly, cute, adorable and often even weaker sides. I love to make my friends laugh and lighten their daily burdens. They pretty much got used to expecting the unexpected from me. In many ways they even know me better than my own husband does, maybe because with them I don't worry so much about "hurting their feelings' or "bruising their ego". They don't take me serious enough for that. Which is a really good thing, since half of the time I don't take myself all that serious. That is of course only during the right time and the right place.
The funny thing is that I bond with my female friends pretty much the same way most men bond with each other. Have you ever noticed that most guys bonded with other guys after they had a major disagreement or often even some sort of fight? Ask my friend Laura sometimes who our friendship started. Chuckles, we both thought the other was as asshole at first, until we actually got talking. Than we realized that we were like the sister the other one never had. That is probably why we thought that of each other at first.
Take a look at your own friendships for a second, have you ever noticed that you always end up being the same thing to each of your friends? In may case I am either the "big sister", "mommy type" or in some cases the nurturer. No matter if they are younger or older than me, I always end up falling in the same category. That is just so much part of my personality that I naturally attract those who need this in their life.
But eh... ever seen a photo of me? I am a big ole Teddy Bear type of woman. A bit bigger and cuddly. What else could I be?
Good friends are hard to find and good friends will never try to break your relationships apart or get between you and your spouse. Good friends are gold worth and the others? Well honestly they are just not worth keeping. The average person can count on one hand the really good friends they have. Like I always tell my husband, be careful honey, some of the people you think are your friends are just using you. But heck when it comes to telling him anything about the negative side of people, I am preaching to the choir. My sweet dragon just loves people after all - ON TOAST! No, not literally!
Well enough out of me for today. I'll be back next Thursday with more from my little world of life and spiritual insights.
Blessings to all and a big hug to my sisters out there! I love you gals!
Regina
Friendships can be very important to us, but you need to be extremely careful in the friends you choose especially if you are in a committed relationship. If you are part of a couple you need to make sure that your friends are not trying to drive your relationship apart. There are many people out there sadly who for whatever reason do not understand that once you are in a committed relationship you can no longer take your friends over your spouse or significant other. When that happens the relationship is automatically going to suffer.
Now of course friends will talk and even I have been guilty in the past of venting to my close friends when I was really pissed off at or hurt by my husband. It is only natural that your friends are going to take your side, but in the end it is also unfair to your spouse because the opinions of your friend are probably colored against him or her now. I am one of those individuals who takes blame when it is due (and belief me in most situations both partners are to blame in a fight or disagreement) and will openly admit to it even during times when I am extremely upset. Still it is not fair neither to your spouse or friend when you do this. Still my close friends have learned that I will be extremely protective over my spouse as well when something unfair or mean is said about him that isn't deserved. My husband is far from being an angel, but all in all he is a good man. We all make mistakes from time to time and until the day I become perfect, I need to stand up for him when he can not protect himself from wagging tongues.
Other times there are those friends who just won't like your partner on principal for their own reasons. Maybe their personalities clash or they are friends from a previous relationship who are still loyal to the one that came before you. I have always found it best to leave these sort of friendships behind. In the end if it comes down to having to make the choice between my life partner and my friends, my life partner will always win hands down.
Now my husband and I are fortunate enough to have a really good personal friend who knew my husband long before I ever came into the picture. When I first met him I was afraid that he could not or would not accept me since he was so close to my honey and knew my husbands belated wife / slave / soul mate. This friend is viewed by my husband more as a brother than just a mere friend. Over the years now he too has found a place in my heart and that of my daughter. We all see him as part of the family and love him as such. I was never pushed to the side by him for which I am extremely grateful and matter of fact he is most of the time more attentive to my feelings and moods when we are all together than even my own husband is. Those are rare friendships and something I deeply treasure as it should be.
Ironically I am not someone who builds a lot of real time friendships. Most of the time it is because I work way too much and I don't belief in girls nights out or girl friends only time. I have had a lot of really bad experiences with my previous husband and so called girl friends as well and now shy away from them. I feel more comfortable alone or with my online friends.
There too I have had the great fortune to have found a few Ladies who have almost become like sisters to me. I love them dearly and if you would ask me I could swear we must have been sisters in a previous life. We really are that close and what is even funnier is that we are so far apart in personality and belief systems that we might as well be from different planets. Yet surprisingly, we seem to compliment each other just right and if you would hear some of our conversations you would probably double over laughing.
What I have no use for at all is the type of friend most of us have entirely too much off and those are the so called fair weather friends or the friends who are only there when they need something or love to lap up on drama. I call them the drama lama chasers. They are literally like emotional vampires and something we all can do without.
Friends are there for each other, no matter what. They may not always be able to talk, but they can always be reached when the chips are down. I can't even begin to tell you how many times my friend / sisters and I have cussed each other out only to fall over laughing afterwards and apologize. There is a long standing agreement between us - we agree to disagree. How else would it work out since we all come from different backgrounds, personalities, religious believes and even countries.
Most people who meet me and encounter me see me as pretty stern and serious, yet my friends have gotten to know my silly, cute, adorable and often even weaker sides. I love to make my friends laugh and lighten their daily burdens. They pretty much got used to expecting the unexpected from me. In many ways they even know me better than my own husband does, maybe because with them I don't worry so much about "hurting their feelings' or "bruising their ego". They don't take me serious enough for that. Which is a really good thing, since half of the time I don't take myself all that serious. That is of course only during the right time and the right place.
The funny thing is that I bond with my female friends pretty much the same way most men bond with each other. Have you ever noticed that most guys bonded with other guys after they had a major disagreement or often even some sort of fight? Ask my friend Laura sometimes who our friendship started. Chuckles, we both thought the other was as asshole at first, until we actually got talking. Than we realized that we were like the sister the other one never had. That is probably why we thought that of each other at first.
Take a look at your own friendships for a second, have you ever noticed that you always end up being the same thing to each of your friends? In may case I am either the "big sister", "mommy type" or in some cases the nurturer. No matter if they are younger or older than me, I always end up falling in the same category. That is just so much part of my personality that I naturally attract those who need this in their life.
But eh... ever seen a photo of me? I am a big ole Teddy Bear type of woman. A bit bigger and cuddly. What else could I be?
Good friends are hard to find and good friends will never try to break your relationships apart or get between you and your spouse. Good friends are gold worth and the others? Well honestly they are just not worth keeping. The average person can count on one hand the really good friends they have. Like I always tell my husband, be careful honey, some of the people you think are your friends are just using you. But heck when it comes to telling him anything about the negative side of people, I am preaching to the choir. My sweet dragon just loves people after all - ON TOAST! No, not literally!
Well enough out of me for today. I'll be back next Thursday with more from my little world of life and spiritual insights.
Blessings to all and a big hug to my sisters out there! I love you gals!
Regina
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