Wednesday, December 21, 2011
This day - December 21st - could easily go under the heading it was the best of time, it was the worst of times for me. This day holds so many earth shaking memories for me that it is can be powerfully overwhelming at times.
Where do I start? Well for one I celebrate Winter Solstice after the sun has set and the night goes on. Usually my celebration or meditations last until the clock has moved past midnight and the 22nd has found its place.
So the seasons change, the period of rest and introspective as it is rung in by Winter Solstice for a little ole Witch like me. In short this festival is a celebration of renewal and the original holiday which Christianity took their Christmas from. We have the great Mother appear with the newly born sun child. The circle of death and birth once more completed in the solar year.
On a personal base it was also the death date of my daughter Andrea who died on December 21st 1987 on S.I.D.S. which is something that will forever rest in my mind. I count this date in my time line easily as one of the most horrific things I had to live through and learn to accept and overcome. Matter of fact this process of overcoming the horror of her death took me the span of what would have been her childhood. 18 years!
It was exactly 18 Years to the day of her death that I had the opportunity to turn the worst day of my life into the happiest day of my life. December 21st 2005 I was married to my husband - the man whom I love with all my heart and soul.
I've made a joke many years past that my beloved is nothing I ever wanted, everything I feared and all I would ever grow to need to complete me. There was no way that I could have ever known when I met him just how much he would be the catalyst of my changes, inner growth, lessons in endurance, tolerance and in the end forgiveness.
When we set this day as our marriage date or I should say reset it since we had originally planned on jumping the broom on Samhain, but paperwork got in the way, I didn't know just how symbolic other than what I have already told you this date would become in our union.
I can not speak for him and if you would ask him you would probably not get many answers, I am the talker in our relationship as women are prone to be, as for me so this union date ended up proofing to be symbolic in the following manner.
The Season of Winter is the season of rest, of coming to a closure after a long hard year, of growth which is done on the inside and often not seen by those looking for shallow proof. Even as the ground appears to be cold and shallow at times, there is a fertile and warm ground beneath. It is the season of healing, of taking all scars and wounds the earth has suffered before than and slowly over time it takes the pains away and soothes it until it can be ready for more.
Our union in many ways is like that. We both came into it battled scared from many years of pain, suffering and loss. Our souls were barren, our hearts growing cold and fearful to open again lest we would suffer greater pains and losses. We both were stoic to a fault, tough and cold on the outside and neither of us gave quarter to the other nor solace when needed. We were as the fields after the harvest, empty with nothing left to give, besides a tiny bit of warmth so deeply hidden within ourselves that it was very hard to find. Yet somehow we clung to each other, maybe because we both needed something that neither knew.
Yet after many years and much struggle the furnace broke, the earth rumbled and we were both shaken up to the point that we had to make a decision. Continue on or break apart. We stopped, rested and considered. We each had to find our own growth within, neither able to do that for the other. We both in our own ways opened up, one small crack at a time and only than the healing could begin.
Now our marriage is like that winter field which is renewing, slowing gathering its strength. Healing the old pains and losses and each of us in turn gives fertile ground where the other needs it without having to demand anything but love, care and trust.
We each are the final partner of our journey on this planet to each other. The companion we grow old with, who will be there when all others have gone. We are each others shelter, each others protection and each other provider. Neither needs to ask and fear rejection, what we have to give is openly and freely given. It is given out of love and out of care for each others welfare.
We are not perfect, neither of us, but we have grown tolerant and even loving in many ways of each others short comings. We hurt for each other, one openly and the other silently and hidden.
One of my favorite Christmas movies quotes: "Love is not about the fireworks, it is about feeling complete when you are with each other!"
Fireworks to me never have been important. They may be beautiful, breath taking and amazing to behold, but when they die down there is nothing left but empty cold space and you always wish for more. Miss them when they are gone and seek more often in the wrong places.
Our love was never one of Fireworks, more like a smoldering campfire which could roar to flames or simmer gently in the coals. As long as we took care of this little campfire - each in our own way - it can last for a lifetime and beyond. Yes, it takes a little bit of effort to keep those timbers glowing, to keep the warmth it brings, but the effort is worth it a million times over. In my opinion there is nothing more beautiful, relaxing, warming and mind expanding than a campfire. It calls us to rest, to relax, to enjoy each other company and to share of each others experiences and life.
To me that is how our love is - a campfire - the place we gather after a long long day and let ourselves relax into each others arms, minds and company. I could, nor would ask for more.
You can keep your fireworks and leave me to my campfire.
Just as everything else in our life it seems many things are symbolic and fire is a huge symbol with the both of us as well. My beloved is our Dragon - the nickname our children now grown have given him many years ago. Just like the dragon he is a gatherer, hoarder of treasures, a protector, a fighter, a destroyer of all that threatens him and those he loves. He is wise, harsh at times, demanding of respect and always wakeful and suspicious of those around him. He protects those he considers worthy of such, can be ultimately gentle to his own and always grumbles just a little bit to keep others away from him. He is a solitary creature and loves his cave and silence. He loves to travel, see new things and is always learning. He is ageless, timeless and when he spews his fire you will know it. He forgives slowly, forgets never and accepts little that seems unreasonable to him, but he is loyal, brave and strong.
I am the Phoenix as our daughter nick named me many years ago. I do not fear the fire but stand beneath it, taking it in, renewing myself in its flame. Mine is the spirit of renewal and my tears are those of healing. I soar beside my Dragon always, slightly to his right and a bit behind. I have no use for knights in shining armor, I would not trade my Dragon for the world. When his night becomes too dark at times, I glow brightly for him so he will never loose his way again. I give him warms when his body is cold and draw his heat into me when he grows too hot. I am his opposition and his balance all in one. I am the great absorber of his wisdom, the challenger of his mind and heart. I give all I have to nestle at his chest, to breath in his worries and to ease his burdens as much as a little Phoenix can. I shelter beneath his immense wings and when my Dragon must rest as sometimes even Dragons grow tired and weary from their burdens, I expand and grow larger than life so he in turn can hide in the shadows of my glowing fire wings. I am always beneath his care with my wings turned up to receive his fire, love, wrath, care and all he gives to me. I always pour the same back to him, with our wings always touching, our fronts united against the world.
We are a couple of light and darkness, perfectly balanced by the other, always growing into each other and together for all eternity....
I wish you this day a love that can endure the storms of life, a companion you can be loyal to and who in turn is loyal to you. I wish you renewal from the fears, worries and stresses of life. I wish you kindness, when you need it, a push when you won't budge and honesty from those who love you.
Blessed Winter Solstice
Regina S.
Where do I start? Well for one I celebrate Winter Solstice after the sun has set and the night goes on. Usually my celebration or meditations last until the clock has moved past midnight and the 22nd has found its place.
So the seasons change, the period of rest and introspective as it is rung in by Winter Solstice for a little ole Witch like me. In short this festival is a celebration of renewal and the original holiday which Christianity took their Christmas from. We have the great Mother appear with the newly born sun child. The circle of death and birth once more completed in the solar year.
On a personal base it was also the death date of my daughter Andrea who died on December 21st 1987 on S.I.D.S. which is something that will forever rest in my mind. I count this date in my time line easily as one of the most horrific things I had to live through and learn to accept and overcome. Matter of fact this process of overcoming the horror of her death took me the span of what would have been her childhood. 18 years!
It was exactly 18 Years to the day of her death that I had the opportunity to turn the worst day of my life into the happiest day of my life. December 21st 2005 I was married to my husband - the man whom I love with all my heart and soul.
I've made a joke many years past that my beloved is nothing I ever wanted, everything I feared and all I would ever grow to need to complete me. There was no way that I could have ever known when I met him just how much he would be the catalyst of my changes, inner growth, lessons in endurance, tolerance and in the end forgiveness.
When we set this day as our marriage date or I should say reset it since we had originally planned on jumping the broom on Samhain, but paperwork got in the way, I didn't know just how symbolic other than what I have already told you this date would become in our union.
I can not speak for him and if you would ask him you would probably not get many answers, I am the talker in our relationship as women are prone to be, as for me so this union date ended up proofing to be symbolic in the following manner.
The Season of Winter is the season of rest, of coming to a closure after a long hard year, of growth which is done on the inside and often not seen by those looking for shallow proof. Even as the ground appears to be cold and shallow at times, there is a fertile and warm ground beneath. It is the season of healing, of taking all scars and wounds the earth has suffered before than and slowly over time it takes the pains away and soothes it until it can be ready for more.
Our union in many ways is like that. We both came into it battled scared from many years of pain, suffering and loss. Our souls were barren, our hearts growing cold and fearful to open again lest we would suffer greater pains and losses. We both were stoic to a fault, tough and cold on the outside and neither of us gave quarter to the other nor solace when needed. We were as the fields after the harvest, empty with nothing left to give, besides a tiny bit of warmth so deeply hidden within ourselves that it was very hard to find. Yet somehow we clung to each other, maybe because we both needed something that neither knew.
Yet after many years and much struggle the furnace broke, the earth rumbled and we were both shaken up to the point that we had to make a decision. Continue on or break apart. We stopped, rested and considered. We each had to find our own growth within, neither able to do that for the other. We both in our own ways opened up, one small crack at a time and only than the healing could begin.
Now our marriage is like that winter field which is renewing, slowing gathering its strength. Healing the old pains and losses and each of us in turn gives fertile ground where the other needs it without having to demand anything but love, care and trust.
We each are the final partner of our journey on this planet to each other. The companion we grow old with, who will be there when all others have gone. We are each others shelter, each others protection and each other provider. Neither needs to ask and fear rejection, what we have to give is openly and freely given. It is given out of love and out of care for each others welfare.
We are not perfect, neither of us, but we have grown tolerant and even loving in many ways of each others short comings. We hurt for each other, one openly and the other silently and hidden.
One of my favorite Christmas movies quotes: "Love is not about the fireworks, it is about feeling complete when you are with each other!"
Fireworks to me never have been important. They may be beautiful, breath taking and amazing to behold, but when they die down there is nothing left but empty cold space and you always wish for more. Miss them when they are gone and seek more often in the wrong places.
Our love was never one of Fireworks, more like a smoldering campfire which could roar to flames or simmer gently in the coals. As long as we took care of this little campfire - each in our own way - it can last for a lifetime and beyond. Yes, it takes a little bit of effort to keep those timbers glowing, to keep the warmth it brings, but the effort is worth it a million times over. In my opinion there is nothing more beautiful, relaxing, warming and mind expanding than a campfire. It calls us to rest, to relax, to enjoy each other company and to share of each others experiences and life.
To me that is how our love is - a campfire - the place we gather after a long long day and let ourselves relax into each others arms, minds and company. I could, nor would ask for more.
You can keep your fireworks and leave me to my campfire.
Just as everything else in our life it seems many things are symbolic and fire is a huge symbol with the both of us as well. My beloved is our Dragon - the nickname our children now grown have given him many years ago. Just like the dragon he is a gatherer, hoarder of treasures, a protector, a fighter, a destroyer of all that threatens him and those he loves. He is wise, harsh at times, demanding of respect and always wakeful and suspicious of those around him. He protects those he considers worthy of such, can be ultimately gentle to his own and always grumbles just a little bit to keep others away from him. He is a solitary creature and loves his cave and silence. He loves to travel, see new things and is always learning. He is ageless, timeless and when he spews his fire you will know it. He forgives slowly, forgets never and accepts little that seems unreasonable to him, but he is loyal, brave and strong.
I am the Phoenix as our daughter nick named me many years ago. I do not fear the fire but stand beneath it, taking it in, renewing myself in its flame. Mine is the spirit of renewal and my tears are those of healing. I soar beside my Dragon always, slightly to his right and a bit behind. I have no use for knights in shining armor, I would not trade my Dragon for the world. When his night becomes too dark at times, I glow brightly for him so he will never loose his way again. I give him warms when his body is cold and draw his heat into me when he grows too hot. I am his opposition and his balance all in one. I am the great absorber of his wisdom, the challenger of his mind and heart. I give all I have to nestle at his chest, to breath in his worries and to ease his burdens as much as a little Phoenix can. I shelter beneath his immense wings and when my Dragon must rest as sometimes even Dragons grow tired and weary from their burdens, I expand and grow larger than life so he in turn can hide in the shadows of my glowing fire wings. I am always beneath his care with my wings turned up to receive his fire, love, wrath, care and all he gives to me. I always pour the same back to him, with our wings always touching, our fronts united against the world.
We are a couple of light and darkness, perfectly balanced by the other, always growing into each other and together for all eternity....
I wish you this day a love that can endure the storms of life, a companion you can be loyal to and who in turn is loyal to you. I wish you renewal from the fears, worries and stresses of life. I wish you kindness, when you need it, a push when you won't budge and honesty from those who love you.
Blessed Winter Solstice
Regina S.
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