Gentle thoughts of love

We all have those people in our life we consider friends. In some cases they really are nothing more than acquaintances and we simply misname them, in other cases they are good friends and in yet a third type they are so close to us that they are our family.

Friendships can be very important to us, but you need to be extremely careful in the friends you choose especially if you are in a committed relationship. If you are part of a couple you need to make sure that your friends are not trying to drive your relationship apart. There are many people out there sadly who for whatever reason do not understand that once you are in a committed relationship you can no longer take your friends over your spouse or significant other. When that happens the relationship is automatically going to suffer.

Now of course friends will talk and even I have been guilty in the past of venting to my close friends when I was really pissed off at or hurt by my husband. It is only natural that your friends are going to take your side, but in the end it is also unfair to your spouse because the opinions of your friend are probably colored against him or her now. I am one of those individuals who takes blame when it is due (and belief me in most situations both partners are to blame in a fight or disagreement) and will openly admit to it even during times when I am extremely upset. Still it is not fair neither to your spouse or friend when you do this. Still my close friends have learned that I will be extremely protective over my spouse as well when something unfair or mean is said about him that isn't deserved. My husband is far from being an angel, but all in all he is a good man. We all make mistakes from time to time and until the day I become perfect, I need to stand up for him when he can not protect himself from wagging tongues.

Other times there are those friends who just won't like your partner on principal for their own reasons. Maybe their personalities clash or they are friends from a previous relationship who are still loyal to the one that came before you. I have always found it best to leave these sort of friendships behind. In the end if it comes down to having to make the choice between my life partner and my friends, my life partner will always win hands down.

Now my husband and I are fortunate enough to have a really good personal friend who knew my husband long before I ever came into the picture. When I first met him I was afraid that he could not or would not accept me since he was so close to my honey and knew my husbands belated wife / slave / soul mate. This friend is viewed by my husband more as a brother than just a mere friend. Over the years now he too has found a place in my heart and that of my daughter. We all see him as part of the family and love him as such. I was never pushed to the side by him for which I am extremely grateful and matter of fact he is most of the time more attentive to my feelings and moods when we are all together than even my own husband is. Those are rare friendships and something I deeply treasure as it should be.

Ironically I am not someone who builds a lot of real time friendships. Most of the time it is because I work way too much and I don't belief in girls nights out or girl friends only time. I have had a lot of really bad experiences with my previous husband and so called girl friends as well and now shy away from them. I feel more comfortable alone or with my online friends.

There too I have had the great fortune to have found a few Ladies who have almost become like sisters to me. I love them dearly and if you would ask me I could swear we must have been sisters in a previous life. We really are that close and what is even funnier is that we are so far apart in personality and belief systems that we might as well be from different planets. Yet surprisingly, we seem to compliment each other just right and if you would hear some of our conversations you would probably double over laughing.

What I have no use for at all is the type of friend most of us have entirely too much off and those are the so called fair weather friends or the friends who are only there when they need something or love to lap up on drama. I call them the drama lama chasers. They are literally like emotional vampires and something we all can do without.

Friends are there for each other, no matter what. They may not always be able to talk, but they can always be reached when the chips are down. I can't even begin to tell you how many times my friend / sisters and I have cussed each other out only to fall over laughing afterwards and apologize. There is a long standing agreement between us - we agree to disagree. How else would it work out since we all come from different backgrounds, personalities, religious believes and even countries.

Most people who meet me and encounter me see me as pretty stern and serious, yet my friends have gotten to know my silly, cute, adorable and often even weaker sides. I love to make my friends laugh and lighten their daily burdens. They pretty much got used to expecting the unexpected from me. In many ways they even know me better than my own husband does, maybe because with them I don't worry so much about "hurting their feelings' or "bruising their ego". They don't take me serious enough for that. Which is a really good thing, since half of the time I don't take myself all that serious. That is of course only during the right time and the right place.

The funny thing is that I bond with my female friends pretty much the same way most men bond with each other. Have you ever noticed that most guys bonded with other guys after they had a major disagreement or often even some sort of fight? Ask my friend Laura sometimes who our friendship started. Chuckles, we both thought the other was as asshole at first, until we actually got talking. Than we realized that we were like the sister the other one never had. That is probably why we thought that of each other at first.

Take a look at your own friendships for a second, have you ever noticed that you always end up being the same thing to each of your friends? In may case I am either the "big sister", "mommy type" or in some cases the nurturer. No matter if they are younger or older than me, I always end up falling in the same category. That is just so much part of my personality that I naturally attract those who need this in their life.

But eh... ever seen a photo of me? I am a big ole Teddy Bear type of woman. A bit bigger and cuddly. What else could I be?

Good friends are hard to find and good friends will never try to break your relationships apart or get between you and your spouse. Good friends are gold worth and the others? Well honestly they are just not worth keeping. The average person can count on one hand the really good friends they have. Like I always tell my husband, be careful honey, some of the people you think are your friends are just using you. But heck when it comes to telling him anything about the negative side of people, I am preaching to the choir. My sweet dragon just loves people after all - ON TOAST! No, not literally!

Well enough out of me for today. I'll be back next Thursday with more from my little world of life and spiritual insights.

Blessings to all and a big hug to my sisters out there! I love you gals!

Regina

When we encounter tough times in our life it is often extremely difficult to see the positive aspect of it. This is the same for everyone until you learn to retrain your mind to seek out the "little bit of silver lining" in the situation.

Consider the old saying "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger". It is one of those sayings we use as platitudes, but it is one of the truest sayings you may encounter in life. When we are faced with yet another obstacle in our life, we are given the opportunity to find ways to overcome them. We are challenged to step out of our comfort zone, and at times they are very important life lessons we desperately need to learn.

One of those lessons may be that we can not do everything by ourselves. We need help from time to time and asking for help - dealing with the fear of rejection - is difficult for most of us. Life often has taught us through a series of events that the only person you can really count on is yourself. When we get that type of mindset, we are usually thrown into a situation that is so overwhelming that we do not have a choice but to reach out to others for support. Be that support emotionally, mentally, physically or financially.

At the same time our need for aid maybe at the same time a lesson for someone we encounter in seeking the momentary help we need to teach them a lesson in sharing, compassion, tolerance and more.

The universe is limitless and unending. The only limitations set on the spirit which is our spark of life are the ones we our self place upon us. We, the little fleeting sparks of humanity, create those limitations by our fears, self doubt, drama seeking ways. When we stop for a second and accept that there is always help available to us if we just reach out, ask for it and more importantly accept it when it is given, our life becomes a lot easier.

One of my biggest obstacles I had to overcome and learn is that I was worthy. Worthy of what? Just worthy! Worthy period. I had to learn that I was worth a lot just by merit of being a human being with the universal right for love, living my life to the best possible. I was worthy of receiving help when I needed it etc.

I was brought up for many years as a child having the thought that I was worthless, had no right to live, should never have been born drilled into me. When you hear such notions as a child over and over again, the mind attaches itself to those things. They eventually become your "truth". Remember what I said about truth before? Truth is individual! We each have our own perception of what "truth" is. Mine had become that I was worthless, had no right to anything and would have been better of dead.

Now don't feel sorry for me, that is not why I am telling you this, nor do I want you to be angry on my behave at those who knew no better. This was an obstacle I had to overcome. It was an entire set of lessons I was brought into this lifetime with.

I had to learn that some people speak out of their own misery only and can not function unless they make someone else hurt.

I had to learn to forgive them and to move beyond that pain it brought.

I had to learn not to accept blindly and at face value what I would be told by other human beings over the years of my life, but to put up a fine filter that would allow me to see what was good to keep and what had to be instantly rejected.

I had to learn to find my own truth, my own sense of self. I had to learn that I have worth, that I am worthy and that in the course of my life it was important that I was born and grew in spirit and wisdom.

Aside from that it came with a huge gift as well, something that did not become apparent until several years later when I was already a full grown woman in body if not in spirit and mind.

It had given me the gift of tolerance and the need to be a gentler spirit. The need to reach out to help others who had went through this. To be able to listen to others worries and help them overcome their emotional scares in a way that would be suitable to them. These years of inner rejection and pain, where essentially my initial hands on training lessons from the universal store of knowledge which would later on in life give me the prerequisite it would take to become a lifecoach and counselor to other broken vessels called human beings.

I never went to university and got a degree for it. I do not have a pretty little document hanging on my wall that declares I have been trained to counsel others. My diploma came from everyday living in the real world from the Universal school of living. My testing came everytime I was down on my knees and cried my eyes out in silence and solitude thinking I couldn't get past this, only to get up a few minutes later with my back squared, my head held high and a determination that I was not going to be kept down.

You know what my friends? Everytime I said I can not handle this anymore and I have no clue how I am going to get through this, I was wrong. The answers were there for me all along, I had just not opened the right box or looked in the right corner yet to uncover them. I reacted as most human beings would at first. With a feeling of being overwhelmed and at times even hopeless.

The wonderful part of me at least is so that which each obstacle in life I did overcome I also gained the knowledge that almost nothing is impossible to overcome or endure. I gained more and more confidence in myself and my inner strength. I gained courage to step up and step out of the limitations I had accepted as real and turned them around to expand my life and my world just a little bit more each time. The great news is that you can do the same thing.

You are awesome already!!! Yes, you are, don't shake your head at me! You are a wonderfully awesome human being with an immense store full of great qualities, talents and personal potential. You deserve to be loved, to love, to forgive and be forgiven. You deserve to receive help when you really need it and you deserve the pleasure of helping others when they come to you for help and being in the position to give that help without a question or thought of what it may do for you.

There is such wonderful pleasure, such a warming of the spirit when you can do something special for someone else. There is nothing like watching the glow on someone elses face when you gave of yourself or from what you had extra simply to keep the universal cycle of abundance going.

That too is a life lesson I learned  - the lesson of abundance. I am going to talk about that one with you next week so. It is time for me to wrap this up and to wish you all happy holidays and love, peace and happiness.

Yours always
Regina S.

This day - December 21st - could easily go under the heading it was the best of time, it was the worst of times for me. This day holds so many earth shaking memories for me that it is can be powerfully overwhelming at times.

Where do I start? Well for one I celebrate Winter Solstice after the sun has set and the night goes on. Usually my celebration or meditations last until the clock has moved past midnight and the 22nd has found its place.

So the seasons change, the period of rest and introspective as it is rung in by Winter Solstice for a little ole Witch like me. In short this festival is a celebration of renewal and the original holiday which Christianity took their Christmas from. We have the great Mother appear with the newly born sun child. The circle of death and birth once more completed in the solar year.

On a personal base it was also the death date of my daughter Andrea who died on December 21st 1987 on S.I.D.S. which is something that will forever rest in my mind. I count this date in my time line easily as one of the most horrific things I had to live through and learn to accept and overcome. Matter of fact this process of overcoming the horror of her death took me the span of what would have been her childhood. 18 years!

It was exactly 18 Years to the day of her death that I had the opportunity to turn the worst day of my life into the happiest day of my life. December 21st 2005 I was married to my husband - the man whom I love with all my heart and soul.

I've made a joke many years past that my beloved is nothing I ever wanted, everything I feared and all I would ever grow to need to complete me. There was no way that I could have ever known when I met him just how much he would be the catalyst of my changes, inner growth, lessons in endurance, tolerance and in the end forgiveness.

When we set this day as our marriage date or I should say reset it since we had originally planned on jumping the broom on Samhain, but paperwork got in the way, I didn't know just how symbolic other than what I have already told you this date would become in our union.

I can not speak for him and if you would ask him you would probably not get many answers, I am the talker in our relationship as women are prone to be, as for me so this union date ended up proofing to be symbolic in the following manner.

The Season of Winter is the season of rest, of coming to a closure after a long hard year, of growth which is done on the inside and often not seen by those looking for shallow proof. Even as the ground appears to be cold and shallow at times, there is a fertile and warm ground beneath. It is the season of healing, of taking all scars and wounds the earth has suffered before than and slowly over time it takes the pains away and soothes it until it can be ready for more.

Our union in many ways is like that. We both came into it battled scared from many years of pain, suffering and loss. Our souls were barren, our hearts growing cold and fearful to open again lest we would suffer greater pains and losses. We both were stoic to a fault, tough and cold on the outside and neither of us gave quarter to the other nor solace when needed. We were as the fields after the harvest, empty with nothing left to give, besides a tiny bit of warmth so deeply hidden within ourselves that it was very hard to find. Yet somehow we clung to each other, maybe because we both needed something that neither knew.
Yet after many years and much struggle the furnace broke, the earth rumbled and we were both shaken up to the point that we had to make a decision. Continue on or break apart. We stopped, rested and considered. We each had to find our own growth within, neither able to do that for the other. We both in our own ways opened up, one small crack at a time and only than the healing could begin.

Now our marriage is like that winter field which is renewing, slowing gathering its strength. Healing the old pains and losses and each of us in turn gives fertile ground where the other needs it without having to demand anything but love, care and trust.

We each are the final partner of our journey on this planet to each other. The companion we grow old with, who will be there when all others have gone. We are each others shelter, each others protection and each other provider. Neither needs to ask and fear rejection, what we have to give is openly and freely given. It is given out of love and out of care for each others welfare.

We are not perfect, neither of us, but we have grown tolerant and even loving in many ways of each others short comings. We hurt for each other, one openly and the other silently and hidden.

One of my favorite Christmas movies quotes: "Love is not about the fireworks, it is about feeling complete when you are with each other!"

Fireworks to me never have been important. They may be beautiful, breath taking and amazing to behold, but when they die down there is nothing left but empty cold space and you always wish for more. Miss them when they are gone and seek more often in the wrong places.

Our love was never one of Fireworks, more like a smoldering campfire which could roar to flames or simmer gently in the coals. As long as we took care of this little campfire - each in our own way - it can last for a lifetime and beyond. Yes, it takes a little bit of effort to keep those timbers glowing, to keep the warmth it brings, but the effort is worth it a million times over. In my opinion there is nothing more beautiful, relaxing, warming and mind expanding than a campfire. It calls us to rest, to relax, to enjoy each other company and to share of each others experiences and life.

To me that is how our love is - a campfire - the place we gather after a long long day and let ourselves relax into each others arms, minds and company. I could, nor would ask for more.

You can keep your fireworks and leave me to my campfire.

Just as everything else in our life it seems many things are symbolic and fire is a huge symbol with the both of us as well. My beloved is our Dragon - the nickname our children now grown have given him many years ago. Just like the dragon he is a gatherer, hoarder of treasures, a protector, a fighter, a destroyer of all that threatens him and those he loves. He is wise, harsh at times, demanding of respect and always wakeful and suspicious of those around him. He protects those he considers worthy of such, can be ultimately gentle to his own and always grumbles just a little bit to keep others away from him. He is a solitary creature and loves his cave and silence. He loves to travel, see new things and is always learning. He is ageless, timeless and when he spews his fire you will know it. He forgives slowly, forgets never and accepts little that seems unreasonable to him, but he is loyal, brave and strong.

I am the Phoenix as our daughter nick named me many years ago. I do not fear the fire but stand beneath it, taking it in, renewing myself in its flame. Mine is the spirit of renewal and my tears are those of healing. I soar beside my Dragon always, slightly to his right and a bit behind. I have no use for knights in shining armor, I would not trade my Dragon for the world. When his night becomes too dark at times, I glow brightly for him so he will never loose his way again. I give him warms when his body is cold and draw his heat into me when he grows too hot. I am his opposition and his balance all in one. I am the great absorber of his wisdom, the challenger of his mind and heart. I give all I have to nestle at his chest, to breath in his worries and to ease his burdens as much as a little Phoenix can. I shelter beneath his immense wings and when my Dragon must rest as sometimes even Dragons grow tired and weary from their burdens, I expand and grow larger than life so he in turn can hide in the shadows of my glowing fire wings. I am always beneath his care with my wings turned up to receive his fire, love, wrath, care and all he gives to me. I always pour the same back to him, with our wings always touching, our fronts united against the world.

We are a couple of light and darkness, perfectly balanced by the other, always growing into each other and together for all eternity....

I wish you this day a love that can endure the storms of life, a companion you can be loyal to and who in turn is loyal to you. I wish you renewal from the fears, worries and stresses of life. I wish you kindness, when you need it, a push when you won't budge and honesty from those who love you.

Blessed Winter Solstice

Regina S.

So many things have happened in my life over the last couple of years that I honestly forgot about this little blog here. Now that my life has finally settled down a little bit again and is starting to run smoother finally I am back with more posts for you to read and hopefully enjoy.

This blog is going to be updated every Thursday from now on, so feel free to check back for updates at this point. May I suggest you subscribe to my feed so you don't miss any updates?

What is the subject of this blog going to be should be the next thing I really need to cover with you so you know what you are letting yourself into.

Gentle thoughts of love is going to be all about my spiritual journey and pagan belief. With other words you get to meet the spiritual side of me and some of the experiences which have lead me to be the person I am today.

This is a journey with no end! I belief in reincarnation, karma and the constant evolution of the spirit. I do not hide the mistakes I have made in my personal life and often will share some of them with you in the hopes that you may either learn from them or can find that you are not alone in your mistakes and pain at times.

I belief that we are all part of a big whole and that if we reach out to one another and connect on a purely spiritual level we can achieve a lot more as human beings than when we try to walk the road alone.

I am not always "nice" and some of my opinions can seem pretty harsh at times. I admit to being very blunt in the way I say things, but I can assure you that they are always going to come out of a place of love for my fellow beings traveling on the path of life.

I understand that you will not always agree with me and that is perfectly fine. I am going to start right now to agree to disagree and not bare any ill will if you think I am full of shit and will move on. You see to me each persons reality is different and that is something I had to learn over my 40 some years of living.

You will read more about this later on in my blog posts.

I have only one request and I am very serious about this. This is a pagan written blog and if I would like you to respect this. With other words please do not leave me any bible quoting comments since I am just going to delete them anyways. I don't want to hear any stupid - "you are going to go to hell" or other comments either. If you wish to end your comments with God bless you are welcome to do so. I have no problem with that at all and I thank you for the wish. I just want to keep the drama to a minimum here. Thank you for in advance for understanding.

I will be back on Thursday with my first blog post after this extended radio silence.

With my best wishes for all
Shalamar (Regina Sunderland)